This will be my last semester as President of BrainScramble Magazine. Even as a writer, I come up empty, time and time again, attempting to translate this feeling into words. I remember my sweat-slicked hands as I hit “publish” for the first time, sixteen and scared, but the eager beat of my heart rich with possibility. I can still feel the pressing weight of the world on my shoulders with every issue we launch, our ambition shaking my breath, the wish to be great stronger than the urge to be shattered. Even when it is hard, even when we are tired, I am sure of one thing. BrainScramble has been more than my first crush: it has been my first love. I hope it has been one of yours, too. 

I thought about that night on his living room floor, crouched around the chessboard. His eyes flicked from the board to mine, his chain dangling over the marble. “Think about that one again,” he said, motioning to my latest move. It was our third game, after I had begged him to play me again. I smiled under my breath, moving the piece back into safety. “Stop helping me. I’m your opponent.” I teased. 

As I sit on this bench and watch the cars pass, I am suddenly no longer a myth, a legend, a king rolling a rock up a hill. I am a girl packing her life into cardboard boxes in anticipation of leaving everything she’s ever known behind.