BrainScramble Magazine. The world through our eyes. Toronto & Berkeley. Latest BSToronto i17: MEND, out now.
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No One Wants to See Your Arms!
CW: Body Image & Eating Disorders “I wish I could wear short sleeves like you. No one wants to see your arms when you get to this age”. I have become a mere figment onto which elderly women take great pleasure in projecting their insecurities. I find myself being either unsolicitedly talked at, or uncomfortably…
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HOUSE OF THE DEAD
My grandma’s going to die soon. Nobody wants to say it, but we all know the day will come. It’s just a matter of time. Growing up, my family would drive half an hour to my grandma’s house every Saturday, and continued to do so until COVID put an end to such adventures. But I…
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Ophelia
Ophelia of the lonely lake, can you hear me as I do you? You are in my mind, and you are miming my death Again. And Again. And Again. Ophelia of the mourning mountains, night before last, I dreamt I was a star shining and shooting with infinity above. But when I woke, I saw…
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Sex and Death
As I sit on the red velvet couch of my friend’s apartment, I notice the opulence of it all. The gold rimmed mirrors, floor to ceiling windows, and 4×6 rug on her living room floor must have cost a fortune. Living like this in downtown Toronto is incredibly impressive, especially as a 24 year old.…
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The Undead
I knew I was undead when I looked in the mirror and saw that my skin was bare. When I ran my fingers down my smooth, soft cheek, and felt no cuts, no wrinkles, no blemishes. Not a flaw to be felt, not a sign to be seen that life had made its mark. I…
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Reclaiming my Love for Music in a Digital Streaming World
Spring 2022 I just finished my free trial with Apple Music. Honestly, the one thing I’ve taken away is that music and how I listen to it simply isn’t fun. Having to switch back to Spotify, it’s whatever – no difference. On all of these streaming services, the spiel stays the same: I listen to…
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winter air
you are the cold and frigid; winter air. deprived of warmth and dry on my skin-flaking neck. i am not one to cower away from the touch of air, it is a necessity, after all. but now i want to block off all my pores, and hold my breath forever. you took my clean warm…
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Sports and Sexism are Best Friends
In 2012, the International Boxing Association proposed a motion for mandatory skirts for female competitors, citing that women and men looked too similar in the sport. In 2019, Serena Williams was reprimanded for wearing a catsuit for increased blood flow after a challenging pregnancy instead of the standard tennis skirt. The French Tennis Federation then…
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Lonely, Vol. 1
Do lonely people know they’re lonely? Do they acknowledge the truth of their existence? When one is lonely, is their loneliness an ever present companion? Does loneliness tag along like a clingy first love, causing one to beg to be alone? Can one accept loneliness, nod heads and shake hands, and drift through life with…
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Dear Father
Everyday, I look in confusion and distraught at the crayon scribbles escaping from where your mouth should be. I try to make sense of them somehow, but the lines never connect; the pieces won’t fit together. Perhaps I tend to ignore them. To tell you the truth, I recognize and hear the monsters spewing your…
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Augustine – the new manic pixie dream girl
(please note, I use the word love very loosely) August. I love August. I love the way the letters roll off of my tongue, I love the nervous anticipation for the next school year, I love the way we gather like moths to a porch light in protest of summer’s end. I spent my August…
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Getting Dressed, the Great Dilemma
(CW: heavy discussion of eating disorders) I have never not cared about my outfit. I have never not wanted to be skinny for equally as long. I distinctly remember the first time I chose my appearance over my comfort. I was six – it was early November, and the winter chill had just started to…
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ALL THE BEST PEOPLE ARE CRAZY – ARTICLE FEATURE
I can’t breathe when I’m at school. I don’t know how noticeable it is, but if you sit next to me, maybe sometimes you’ll hear me gasping for air, or attempting to deep breathe and calm down during a lecture. Not to mention I’m either completely out of it, or really hyperactive; I’m always half-asleep…
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點解你甘黑？
“ 點解你甘黑？” . There was a reason why I avoided those family junctions. The way I perceived myself—the way they perceived me. There was never a happy ending in the tongue twisting conversations I’d have with them. “ 點解你甘黑？” . It replays like a broken record in my head. Why do you look so dark?…
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On porn – for my fellow hypersexuals.
The trick to a good blowjob is to not overthink it. Don’t start thinking about the way it tastes on your tongue, or the way the tip hits the back of your throat. You’ll lose rhythm, lose the pressure in your hand; the essential nature of the act. Put on your best show. Make sure…
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The Big Bang Of Beauty – ARTICLE FEATURE
A shadow of darkness, a veil devoid of colour or feeling. A singular place, neither here northere, in which nothing and everything took place at the same time.But also never, and nowhere.Suddenly, consciousness. She wakes, her yawn sending ripples of sensation in all directions,signaling to all particles of what is to come. She stretches, and…
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The Brandy Melville Effect – ARTICLE FEATURE
Headline: “A couple of Italian men predict a future generation’s overall aesthetic” (it’s quite amusing, really). Or maybe “predict” isn’t quite the right word at all. Perhaps it treads further along the treacherous intersection between analytical probability and generous luck. Perhaps we have been conditioned into thinking that this lacey white tank top is the…
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The “I Am Asian” Realization – ARTICLE FEATURE
It has been only within the last few years that I have come to the realization that I am Asian. Maybe that sounds hard to believe. After all, if I look in the mirror everyday, how could I not notice? But it is true that throughout my entire childhood, my ethnicity was always in the…