- Marijuana
When you smoke marijuana, ganga, Mary Jane, bud, tree, weed, or za, it contacts receptors in our body we call Cannabinoid receptors. When bound with, they can cause reactions of relaxation, stimulation, paranoia, and hallucinations.
So, essentially, Mary Jane is a fickle girl. She can do anything she pleases if you dare to mess with her. Despite this, marijuana is still one of the most sought after drugs, especially in the U.S. Coming in as one of the biggest cash crops anywhere it’s grown, marijuana increases a concentration of dopamine in our nucleus accumbens.
Marijuana has long been used for medicinal purposes, providing relief to chronic pain that no other drug has been able to, and it has been connected, in many cases, to feelings of spirituality.
When I first started smoking, I imagined the smoke as tiny stars inside my lungs, touching the tips of my veins, my synapses, those wiry trees of nerves I’d seen in diagrams on the wall. When I learned about dopamine and receptors, I marveled at this idea that we had a limited amount of it. Like there were tiny pouches of happy, sad, and stress; each ready to be dispersed into my bloodstream with the right trigger, each ready to run out.
Strangely enough, weed never made me just happy. Sure, sometimes everything seemed unreasonably funny, and other times I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. But mainly when I smoked weed it was about those moments I swear I could see my brain unfurling like a tree sap, its roots some metaphysical conductor of the Earth’s energies. I found that I was able to marvel at things. I could dream while I was awake, and forget the wish for someone else’s warmth in my bed. There was something childlike, and fulfilling about having a genuine, and innocent interest in each complex corner of the Earth, from dust mites, to rocket science, to what color your eyes might be when I finally met you. I could wonder from afar, and never get my hands dirty with the actual experience because the thought was enough.
There was something childlike in believing that at that age I was old enough to know what it meant to be disillusioned with the world.
- Alcohol
In low doses, Alcohol is a stimulant. It blocks what you call NMDA receptors which causes a release of dopamine in the nucleus accumbens, which is the center of pleasure, reward, and addiction in our brain.
But in higher doses it becomes a depressant – it activates GABA receptors. Glutamate is our primary excitatory neurotransmitter, and GABA blocks those receptors once it enters your bloodstream.
It’s funny to imagine the blood thinning out under my skin, and that one slit would make it spill out of me like a juice pouch.
It’s important to remember, therefore, that all of the responsibility is in your dosage. Take your time, count your cups. There’s no shame in taking it slow if that’s what makes you feel safest. Having self control is an admirable virtue. One that becomes more important than ever the older you get. After all, as we’ve just learned, too much can kill you.
Fact: Did you know that: 95% of alcoholics will die from it?
- Well that’s something to think about.
What they didn’t tell you was a product of drinking was all the mysterious bruises uncovered the next day. How curious that despite my bravery when drunk, despite my mission to come in contact with the walls and floor, all of Mother Earth and her sons, it would only hurt me more. That each step I took was a step closer to (us) and if it weren’t for my habits and how often drinking brought me out and about, I wouldn’t have fallen face-first right into where you would be.
- The “Hard” stuff:
“Snow” acts directly on the dopaminergic system by blocking “reuptake” from the synaptic cleft. This concentrates the amount of dopamine available at the synapse. It is one of the most addictive drugs in the world.
It’s surprisingly subtle, actually. The high. You just feel like yourself but if everything had gone right. You’re just having a really good day. And this is how you find yourself face down to a mirror, and for once ignoring the reflection in it.
Yet, despite its notoriety, I never got hooked. I considered myself lucky that I was never someone that could rely on external manipulation for my happiness. If something felt wrong, I would quit all substances until I felt better on my own. No one and nothing but me.
Review Session:
- How did all of this affect you? You, your senses, your life.
It’s like this: I remember when I was a kid I had a bath toy that played musical notes when you poured water into the right cups. Each tune was appealing in its own way. This is just the same. One tune let me think beyond my normal capacity, another let me not think at all. Another I saved for just talking to everybody, and the other just made me dance. I felt as if I were a tiny little piece of dopamine, a tiny little star bonding with a receptor and firing a reaction. And in that reaction was a sense of control. Power. That was what it was all about in the end.
So I thought I was safe because I wasn’t taking anything into my lungs or up my nose; this wasn’t a drug, it was as natural as the Earth, and I was in control as I always was. But even then, you can’t escape the drugs that are already in your brain. You can’t stop a walking bag of chemicals from firing up with yours and burning away the wiry trees of synapses you call your soul.
- What did you learn from this?
Now, here’s something I can teach all of you. When you fall in love, your brain begins to flood with dopamine. And since there’s so much dopamine, your serotonin levels drop. Serotonin is a mood stabilizer, so now you’re happy and unstable and ready for oxytocin and vasopressin. These are the chemicals behind bonding, trust, and attachment. Happy, obsessed, and attached. Which is entirely unfair, I think. Who was going to tell me my brain would inevitably become addicted to something I didn’t know was a drug?
It’s not fair; I was steady as a kid, pouring the water into each cup and listening to its tune. But what happens when by some other force (you just fell into it, it felt so right) suddenly you’re nose deep in water, and you can hear beneath yourself an entire symphony you’ve never heard before?
You’re gonna let yourself drown.
C. Was it worth it?