By Alex Greenspoon
Edited by Alloe Mak

I stayed while they stuffed me like their taxidermied doll.
I was their party trick;
To be pinned,
To be pulled,
To be skinned.
As they sewed my flesh—
needles decorating my skin—
the audience stared in awe
until I pulled a loose thread,
letting the cotton balls tumble from my stomach,
before making snow angels in the remains.
It was a freedom drawn from my own rebellion
I heard their groans after I stabbed the heart that throbbed in my palm,
Their laughs disguised as wails.

I yearn for my forgetfulness.
Let the death of us be revived by only my will,
let that will dissipate so that my fingertips grow wrinkles from wiping away the tears of another instead of my own.

You kissed my busted lip.
The blood inundated out in waves,
Your mouth met mine, acting as the shore—
calming its presence without demanding its end.

I remember when you would watch my attempts at cracking open my skull,
Trying to break a curse that I swore was self-inflicted.
The stitches that fastened my freshly healed wounds,
breaking open,
Veins unveiled revealing words unspoken.

Your thumb caressed my bruised cheek.
I winced at the ache but didn’t pull away.
I fell into the cradle of your neck,
Allowing our breathing to sync while the sun slept.
And when it rose,
And after it aged,
It burned my skin after our limbs untangled.
It followed me as I ran and its heat beat on my body whenever I stopped to catch my breath.
It was a signal to catch yours again.

I used to rearrange my intestines.
I tried to wear them as scarves,
turning one into a balaclava.
It was a style that didn’t suit me.
At least that was the message that rung in my ears,
The one I heard from in between your murmured responses.

Until you noticed the needle sticking out from my viscera,
You shushed me as you laid me down,
Assuring me that you’d remove it.
I kicked and whined.
My voice stammering,
I claimed that it was just a splinter.
You scorned my assertion and proceeded with the extraction.
I didn’t notice the blood.
I only noticed the pin gently held between your fingers.