My eyes were always too big for my face

my forehead was too

I never fit where i should have

I still don’t.

i am suffocated by the thoughts of the person I used to be.

again, I run back to the warmth of the memories i made

they grip my throat like an old friend

Every step i make feels like i should take it back

every word spoken brings an instant regret

A wish to have caught it before i let it exit my throat

a vow that this will not happen again

That i will not make another mistake

I always do. 

I will never escape the person I was. 

My fingers claw helplessly at an edge i cannot see

A last resort to keep me from the abyss

the pit of memories that my touch turns gray

my life is split into two

Who I Was

Who I Am

and i am holding the knife

I want to kill her

snap her in two while she’s still soft

I want to hold her

cradle her in my arms before she hardens

I want to call her as myself

rather than the person she thought she was

call her by what i wish

but she goes with what the world cries for

even if she doesn’t

I wish she could.

For both of us.

we are thrust apart by my own kicks

she screams for help, for someone to catch her

I step away from the landing

i grew into my eyes. 

they don’t break my teeth anymore

they look more like something that has stayed with me

stayed the same

stayed constant

even as i didn’t

forgive me for staying on the ground as you flew

i knew what would happen and i didn’t want to watch. 

come back to me. 

I’ll catch you this time.

I promise.