By V Riczker
Edited by Ellena Lu and Alloe Mak

I’ll say it clearly: I don’t know how to write about love. I have spent hours just ruminating on this piece, words failing me, trying to figure out how to talk about love in the right way. My chest feels tight just thinking about it. I’ve filled up documents with lone, poetic paragraphs, waiting to find their place in some epic, romantic essay. Nothing has come to me but the occasional piece of purple prose. It’s silly to me that I, a writer, cannot find the language for love. 

To me, love is a physical thing. My love manifests in what I can offer someone—a book, a poem, a comforting hug. I want to talk about how I love people, but how could I ever translate that into words? 

My proposition for this problem: an epic, all-encompassing gift guide, made with the help of the people I love. I have compiled both hypothetical ideas and actual gifts given, both the meta- and the physical, from both friends and acquaintances. Along with submissions from people in my life are my messages about what they mean to me, even if I don’t even know them that well. I love the strangers too.

I don’t know if this will actually give readers any ideas. Even if it does, this piece is being published far after Valentine’s Day. I just hope that understanding the love of friends and strangers alike can make you feel just a little warmer in this cold, cold month.

Author’s note: as these messages were all sent online, I’ve tried my best to preserve the text message-feel, while also tweaking them for clarity and grammar’s sake. Every personal message you read here was written by the submitter and slightly tweaked by myself and the editors. As well as that, the credit for the birth of this idea goes to Rayne Fisher-Quann, whose writing I idolise and who did a similar gift guide on her blog, internet princess.

A LETTER
FROM: EZRA
TO: A FUTURE PARTNER
As a Valentine’s gift I would give my future partner (whoever it is) a letter, because it’s really the only way I can get my words out properly. I would include a poem (a really good one) and I would write that I am happy. I’d also take them out to eat, because I want to see them eat well and be full, because that’s how my mother shows her love.

Ezra is a good friend of mine. They’re one of those friends who you don’t really know how you know them—you’re just connected by the people around you. They’re kind and heartfelt, a fantastic artist and photographer, and an absolute joy to be around. I had the privilege of working with them on a project a few months ago, and I cherish the creative time we spent together. Ezra is the kind of person who would share a fruit with you. I want to write a poem about them.

A SELF-CARE PACKAGE
FROM: ANONYMOUS
TO: A STRESSED-OUT FRIEND
For Christmas, my friends got me a self-care package of sorts. I had a few friends gift it to me, so it was a bit more intricate, but it could include something like face masks, candles, bath bombs, books, sweets, and a handmade crochet plushie. They’re all nice in combination or alone. I’d probably give it to someone who’s been super stressed recently.

This friend is a fixture in my life. We’ve known each other for about two years now, and despite what seems like some pretty stark differences between us, she understands me so well. She’s insanely talented and charming to boot. She cares so deeply about the things and the people she loves, and she’s a friend I treasure. I’d do musical theatre karaoke with her any day.

A CARD GAME
FROM: ANONYMOUS
TO: THEIR PARTNER
I’d give them the “We’re Not Really Strangers” card game. Because “I want to get to know you for the rest of our lives.”

This person is grace personified. They’re a fantastic dancer, a fellow Brain Scramble writer, and one of the most all-around compelling people I know. We can go insane together over topics concerning just about anything, but my favourite thing to talk to them about is poetry. If I could just sit for an infinite amount of time and pick their brain about all of our respective favourite poems, I would. They’re full of joy, and I truly cherish that presence in my life.

A CALENDAR
FROM: ALEX
TO: DALIA, HIS LONG-DISTANCE GIRLFRIEND
We’re long-distance, so I’m mailing her an advent calendar with the amount of days until we see each other next. Instead of candies or something similar, I’m going to write little notes of things I love about them. Each day, she’ll open the one for that day. For the last one, I think I’m going to do a big love letter or poem, because it’s also going to be our one-year anniversary when we see each other.

Alex is a fellow writer for Brain Scramble. I’ll have to admit, this is one of my favourite gifts in the entire guide. Their writing, like their gift-giving, is heartfelt and caring, and I am honestly jealous of their creativity. I hope their girlfriend loves this gift as much as I loved just hearing about it.

A JOURNAL
FROM: ANONYMOUS
TO: HIS BOYFRIEND

It was intended to be a gift for our one-year anniversary in September, but I fell crazy behind, so it’s for Valentine’s Day now. I started a journal last March, and every time I saw him, I would write a love letter. Some pages have flowers I picked on that day, and some have little pieces of paper, like movie tickets and receipts. There’s little paintings of him scattered through the whole thing. I think in total there’s 10. It’s about six months’ worth of love letters, and it’s a little embarrassing LOL.

I have too much to say about this friend. He’s one of the very few people in this world who I feel genuinely understands me, and I don’t say that lightly. He has one of the most deeply creative souls I have ever encountered in my life (which the above pictures make obvious) and is just entirely special. Every conversation we have feels like the truest thing anyone has ever said in the universe. He cares for everyone he loves with such intensity, again demonstrated by his gift to his equally lovely boyfriend. I am so lucky to have this person in my life.

THE MOON
FROM: ANDY
TO: THEIR PARTNER
It’s easy to assume I wouldn’t be loveable. My hard exterior, my crater-filled heart, my pale-grey personality. Even when I do glow, it’s a weak one at best. But I promise I try, even when I can’t get the words out right, even when I lie. I promise I love you, even when I fuck up so bad all we can do is repeat you couldn’t have to ourselves night after night. I promise, if I could give you myself, I would give you all of me. I would tumble down from the sky, right into the palm of your hand, if that’s what you asked. For Valentine’s Day, or any day where you wake up, and despite everything, find that you still want me.

I love Andy. That’s the easiest way to say it, and I can’t quite figure out how to say more than that. We’ve worked together on more creative projects than I can count on my fingers. Sometimes as equal collaborators, sometimes as a peer to bounce ideas off of, and sometimes as just a grammar editor. They have a hand in almost everything I create. This gift is who Andy is—a poem wrapped in a Phoebe Bridgers reference. The two of us couldn’t be more different, but I cherish our warring creative personalities more than anything else.

THE CLASSIC
FROM: DAN
TO: SOMEONE YOU VALUE
I’d get them the classic chocolate or treat, and a little thing they really like. Like a crystal, drawing, pen set, etc. But overall, the gift should be your time and energy given to your loved one. Maybe by going to their favourite restaurant, doing their favourite activity with them, etc.

Dan is the best gift-giver I know. This is true! He has told me before that his love language is gift-giving, and it is so evident. He puts such care into the gifts he gives the people he loves, and it’s my favourite thing about him. He is such a deeply caring person and is also extremely entertaining. Who else would do impressions of me in front of my entire family? He is a friend in the truest sense of the word, forever the best character in the 2000s teen movie. If you know him, please get Dan a good gift for his next birthday. He so deserves it.

AN INTIMATE RETELLING OF EVERY TIME I’VE USED YOU AS INSPIRATION FOR MY ART
FROM: A WRITER
TO: THEIR MUSE
When I was in the depths of my last relationship, every love interest I wrote was based on how I felt about her. Their softness, their tenderness, the way they’d hold the narrator — everything was taken from the way she treated me. I would bind it like a book, ideally like those cloth-bound classics she was obsessed with, and emboss her name on the front page. Maybe I’d make it nice and small, so she could carry it in her pocket and always remind herself how she made me feel.

This person is also a writer for Brain Scramble. I deeply admire the intelligence and individuality that seeps through every piece they create. Many of their works often rattle around in my head long after I read them, but it is always their more personal writing that affects me so deeply. Full disclosure–this is my favourite submitter blurb of this piece so far.

A SEMI-PREDICTABLE VALENTINE’S DAY NOTE, FOUR YEARS LATER
FROM: ELISA
TO: MICHAEL
The stretch of months from November to February has never been easy on my brain- your birthday, Christmas, our anniversary, and Valentine’s Day in immediate conjunction to one another is pretty much the world’s most intense time and I seriously wouldn’t trade it for the world. This year you know what I got you (the A24 official Aftersun Blu Ray), but I’m going to make a whole thing out of it anyway. I love to fill Dollarama gift bags with too much candy and tissue paper. I love deciding which thematically inappropriate card to buy for you and I love writing what is functionally the same sequence of things that I love about you inside of that card, because I don’t think I’ll ever be tired of saying it.
Happy fourth Valentine’s Day! Enjoy your (decidedly devastating) Paul Mescal extravaganza.

I will tell you about Elisa through comparisons. She is the Pete Wentz to my Ryan Ross. The (ubiquitous) Head of Management to my Head Writer. The Dan Howell to my Troye Sivan (this one only makes a little sense). She is… so much to me. I met Elisa in grade 9 when I joined a school council as an assistant to her coordinator position. Our friendship really started when I joined Brain Scramble, the both of us quickly discovering that we had shared interests in… just about everything. She is one of the most passionate creators I know. One of the best writers I know. One of the best people I know, in every sense of the word. She is a friend to me, but also a mentor. She shepherded me through the two years we shared a high school and continues to shape me and my work, her two years of seniority often feeling like many more. Who else is there to compare childhood YouTube interests to? To consistently share fantastic albums with me, knowing I’ll love them? To quote our favourite bands when we talk about a Richard Siken poem? To cry next to at the Fall Out Boy concert? (I still feel bad about this one.) She is a guiding force in my life. I can confidently say that I would not at all be the same person without the three years we’ve spent in each others’ lives. We have this running joke that she’s my mother, and I her son. It’s strange, considering we are only two years apart. But it just indicates what she means to me, the importance she has in my life. She is going to read this piece before it goes out. I send everything I write to her before it goes out. Hello to Elisa in the proverbial control room. Tell me what you think of this one.

A PLANT
FROM: KATRINA
TO: PEOPLE WHO DID ME WRONG
I would gift someone a plant. Not just any plant. A very special plant. See, plants are a really nice present. Everybody likes plants. They’re a great house gift. They make great décor, but there’s also a lot of meaning to them, a lot of significance. They signify growth. They signify good energy. It could also be a reflection of your relationship with this person. So, that’s why I would give the plant. But, like I said, it’s not some random plant. It’s a special plant. See, I took this plant to a voodoo priest who cleansed the plant in a very special lake, so if the person ever does me wrong, the plant instantly dies and poisons their air.

It is nearly impossible to be serious around Anna, which is why I made an exception to my rule of “serious gifts only” and let her go just a little crazy on this. If you were to say someone “lit up a room” and weren’t talking about Anna, I’d think you were lying. She is the personification of the wonderful, colourful art she creates; she is joyful, she is outgoing, she is glittery and hot pink. This gift is being sent from Katrina, her “muse”/alter ego, but there is no one in this world like Anna. Another one of her gift suggestions was a glittery pink neon dildo, specifically addressed to a teacher she hates. You can see why I went with the plant. I hope none of you ever harm Anna, or else you and your favourite houseplant won’t live to see the next day.

WW1 ERA KNUCKLE GRIP TRENCH SPIKE
FROM: ANONYMOUS
TO: APOCALYPSE-BOUND LOVER

When the undead topple our government’s infrastructure and we’re left to fend for ourselves, I’d like my significant other to have the best chance they could to avoid falling to the reanimated hordes. Designed for close-quarters trench warfare, this trench spike is the ideal weapon for my sweetie to penetrate the skull and destroy brain matter with minimal effort. As long as they remember to aim from above and swing down through the top of the head, we might both stick around long enough to settle down in the ruins of society.

Like the last, this person is also a very special, silly fixture in my life. I’d say this was another joke submission, but she is definitely serious about this one. This person has passion like nothing I’ve ever seen about the things she cares about, and I deeply admire her intelligence and the true interest she takes in the world around her. She has some great, niche music taste, and she’s my go-to if I’m ever looking to brighten my day with any sort of insane sentence no one has ever spoken into the universe before. Our bond isn’t something I have with anyone else, and I am truly thankful for her indelible presence in my life.

PERFUME
FROM: KEMI
TO: HER BOYFRIEND
For Valentine’s Day, I gifted my boyfriend a fragrance infused with captivating ocean and woody notes. I believe scents have the power to evoke cherished memories, allowing him to revisit moments in time whenever he catches a whiff of it. Perfume becomes a vessel for preserving our precious memories together.

Kemi, in one word: respectable. I met her as the president of a school club I joined, and working with her in that environment has been a true privilege. She is a joyful person, a passionate leader, and a great hugger. A great gift-giver, too. I hope she rules the world one day.

A VIDEO OF THEM FROM MY EYES
FROM: MAX
TO: A PARTNER
A video of every time I’ve looked at them and thought “They’re beautiful.” I’m not good with words, and I’d rather they be able to see what I see and feel what I feel about them. I also think it’s way more sincere than telling them through words because I could be lying… but with actual images from my brain, from my eyes, I can’t lie, and they have to believe it.

This is the exact answer I’d expect from Max. He shows so much of his personality through film and photography that it only makes sense that he’d show his love through it too. He carries himself with the attitude of a person who knows exactly what they’re doing. He’s a stabilizing force to the people around him. I look up to him creatively, and I truly cherish the time I get with him.

COOKIES
FROM: QUINCY
TO: MY SWEET-TOOTHED LOVER
This Valentine’s I am giving him homemade red velvet strawberry pink cookies with cream cheese filling. He has the biggest sweet tooth known to man and last time I baked him something he really liked it. Then I am making him a card that opens up to a home that we will own. Cornball alert.

Here’s a secret: this gift is going to a previous anonymous writer–the one who is gifting this writer a journal. And neither of them knows about the other submitting their gift. I’ve known Quincy for a few years now, and I can’t tell you enough about him. He’s one of the most talented artists and designers I know. He dresses like three different racks at the widest-ranging thrift store you’ve ever seen exploded onto someone’s body. He is funny, and he is caring, and he is creative, and he treats the people around him with the most kindness I’ve ever seen. He is a graceful, strong person–speak to him for even a second, and you feel a little more confident in yourself. I can only hope that I will one day be able to carry myself with the same self-confidence and pure integrity that he does. His presence in my life is like an ‘80s arcade carpet–strong, colourful, loud, and comforting. He also smells like the aforementioned thrift store. I think it’s his detergent. In a non-weird way, it’s my favourite thing about him.

A PACK OF CARDS
FROM: PARNIA
TO: SOMEONE WHO CAN PLAY “HEARTS”

I mean, who doesn’t need a pack of cards? And the possibilities are endless. You can customize them for someone extra special, or buy an affordable themed pack (Star Wars or Snoopy: an impossible choice!) for someone not-so-special. Plus, cards come pre-equipped with endless possibilities of “Queen of (my) hearts” jokes.

I think of Parnia, and a few things come to mind–pomegranates, Snoopy, really cute jeans. This is only indicative of how impactful her identity is on the people around her. Parnia is so special to me because she leaves a mark on everyone in the world. She is the definition of sweet–the human version of the seeded fruit she loves so much. She has formed an association in my brain with her and the things she loves, like how the smell of someone’s perfume brings up the image of their face. I don’t remember what perfume she wears, to be honest, but I know it reminds me of her.

A MAP & A CHARM BRACELET
FROM: PHOEBE
TO: WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
I think a personalized map and a charm bracelet would make cute Valentine’s Day gifts—we could mark up the map with places we’d go and adventures we’d have, and add charms to the bracelet for memories we’d make. For a significant milestone (e.g. five Valentine’s Days spent together), we could bury a time capsule and dig it up in another five years.

Phoebe is a fellow Brain Scramble writer. I haven’t known her for long, but it’s been long enough to know how fantastic she is. I deeply admire how much she infuses her work with her own emotion, drawing it out in the reader as much as she does in herself. This gift is a reflection of who she is—thoughtful and creative. She’s a new friend that I can’t wait to get to know (and continue reading her work).

UNDERGARMENTS AND A GRANDMOTHER’S LOVE
FROM: HARPER’S GRANDMOTHER
TO: HER FAMILY
Every year, [my grandmother] got all her kids and their significant others underwear [for Valentine’s Day]. That eventually led to giving the cousins socks when we were born. And then she started giving us underwear too. And now she asks us which brands of underwear have been our favourites. She always made sure we felt cared for and loved on Valentine’s Day. She always let us know she was thinking of us. And always made sure we felt special every chance she got.

There is nothing I can say about Harper that I have not already said to her face. 13 years of friendship will do that to a person. What is there to tell, other than that she is my family? What is there to say to someone who knows exactly how I feel about them? Harper and I have the special kind of friendship that just has to work. We can go months without speaking to one another, and pick up right back where we started when we see each other again. Harper and I have lived a history of coincidences and bad luck–from our first meeting on that fateful first day of kindergarten; our sisters (both two years older) meeting each other on that same day, and the four of us only realizing our connection once they both came over for a playdate; to being dramatically torn apart by kindergarten class changes; and that’s only the first month of knowing each other. Our families are close, with hers becoming almost an extended family to mine. We have seen each other through relationships starting, stylistic phases ending, character development, and plotline fallbacks. Like I said, family. She’s a sister to me in the sense that we didn’t choose to be friends; it just happened. And that is that. And that is how it will always be.

A GIFT GUIDE
FROM: V
TO: EVERYONE I LOVE
I have to extend a heartfelt THANK YOU to everyone who submitted their gift ideas. From my bestest of friends to my Instagram mutuals, this would not be possible without you.

Like I said, I don’t know how to write about love. I still don’t think I do. But I know how to write about how I love. About the people I love and what they mean to me. This idea was hard to come up with. Presented with the theme of “the Language of Love,” I thought about writing prose, or making a playlist, or anything more poetic than this. But my language of love isn’t about love itself. There is nothing truer in my writing than when and how I talk about those I love. And getting to write about the people in my life has been a privilege bigger than any I’ve had as a writer so far. Valentine’s Day has come and gone—but we all know I didn’t make this gift guide to give anyone advice.