The hole that almost ruined my life (everything is actually okay)

My favourite jeans opened in the middle

Right between the legs 

Caused by friction, denim on denim 

Thighs that touch denim and denim that touches denim that touches thighs 

You get the point 

They didn’t split all at once 

It was slow, the denim fading from blue to white then 

The hole began 

Small and stringy, unconcerning 

Manageable 

 

Then it was gaping, exposing my skin to the cold 

Grey boxer briefs peeking through the frayed opening 

My mother said she could fix it, sew it up 

 

I came home to my jeans folded on my bed

When I held them up and stuck my face between the legs 

I saw thick blue yarn holding the holding my pants together 

Yarn not thread 

Thick and dark and hopefully enough 

Hopefully enough 

 

Some months later when the yarn came undone 

And opening gaped yet again, large than before 

My mother told me 

“They’re beyond repair, throw them out”

 

Then came the bargaining 

The resistance to acceptance 

The legs are fine and so is the zipper and the silver button 

The still fit heavy on my hips, the perfect spot 

4 inches below my navel

 

I hate change and I hate buying new jeans 

My favourite jeans are perfect and I wear them everyday and and and 

And and and 

 

So basically the hole was unmendable, I came around 

I always do 

I folded and kept them at the bottom of my pants drawer 

I bought new jeans 

The world moved on 

 

But 

But I think about them all the time, perfect blue

Low rise, baggy, concealing, versatile 

The works 

And I sometime pull them out, stroke the whiting blue

Finger the outside of the hole

 

I put them on and dance in the mirror 

I bend over and stare at the hole 

Like cyclops 

The evil eye 

Sweet protection, pure love 

 

Unmendable, split 

Open, vulnerable, beautiful 

Too perfect to hold shape 

Too great to take a single form